I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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