every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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