my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
