sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
