Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
