is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
