im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
