My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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