He felt like a one man threesome
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
