dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
