I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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