it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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