Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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