first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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