People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
