your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
