Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
