So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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