They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
