Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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