Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
