i may or may not be watching the land before time
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
