I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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