Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
