We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
