I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
