If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
