My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
