If i come over, it means nothing
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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