well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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