So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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