Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
