Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
