if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
