lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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