Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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