Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
