I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im six kinds of drunk right now
smell my finger.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
