Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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