Yo dont text me then not text me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
