How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
