I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
