u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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