he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
