I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
