similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
