So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
