are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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