using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
