Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
