Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
