guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
